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Samurai Matt
11 April 2008 @ 11:35 am
No one reads this anymore. But self: when remembering your life, this summer (2008) is when you ruined your knee on the last day of basketball class.
Samurai Matt
Here's a little story I wrote at work. Let's see if I remember how to use these garbage html cuts.

Right hereCollapse )
Current Location: WD
Feeling: anxiousanxious
Samurai Matt
30 April 2007 @ 12:36 am
Campus St.Jean grad 2007 is a good time. Your one prof might sing that 'Walls of Jericho' song in a deep voice with a sweet choir backing him up. Then you might drink two bottles of wine and your friends mom will worryingly inquire as to wether or not you are planning to drive home. You might scoff at her. This would probably be the part where you dance a lot and make out with an underaged girl, as you are sometimes prone to do. (But it's awesome and she's awesome, so don't worry about it.) Then on the drive home you stop to buy some electrolytes, and your friend asks you to grab him some purple kind. But they don't have it, so you buy some red and some blue and mix them. He might be kinda pissed about it as first, but he'll come around.
Current Location: home
Tunes: lostprophets - Last Train Home
Samurai Matt
12 April 2007 @ 02:49 pm
I thought I'd post some things I really love about teaching, so that one day if I happen to look back on this, I can trick myself into thinking this was not a terrible terrible way to spend 7 weeks.

-When kids tease other kids about wearing g-strings, and the accused adamantly denies.
-Kids' reactions when you tell two of them they will defintely end up married.
-That one kid who is always saying 'Cool Whip' to me.
-Teaching football outdoors on a day like today.
-The reaction I get when I yell 'FOOTBALL!' all angrily.

The rest of it sucks two shits in a biscuit, though.
Current Location: home
Feeling: okayokay
Tunes: A guy hammering outside
Samurai Matt
Hello old friend.
Last night at work I flipped out over some trivial thing and punched a hole in the wall. I have not felt rage like that in a really long time. It made zero sense. I don't think anyone has noticed the hole yet. If anyone says anything, I will offer to repair it.
Current Location: home
Feeling: draineddrained
Tunes: I Don't Give A Damn - Avril Lavinge
Samurai Matt
Highlights of day one:
-Some girl standing on her desk and yelling, 'Attention! Smarties Box!'
-A project I evaluated where the kids make these mazes that are theme-decorated, and using hydraulics to tilt the maze, they navigate a marble to the end. Did you ever have that toy? Anyways, these things were awesome. They had under-the-sea ones, playing cards ones, car ones, jungle ones, zoo ones, a giant calculator ones. They had everyones.
-Tae Bo in gym class. I have been nay-saying this shit all my life, but I can see how it could totally pump you up. When Billy Blanks tell you to 'Work it in the name of Jesus Christ,' baby, you wanna. However, he then ruins it by claiming that 'Your legs are like car tires, you only get two and they can never be replaced.' Perhaps he has never seen a car?

Also, is anyone still checking this out? Because that last post had some seriously sweet shit in it, and no one said a damn thing.
Current Location: home
Tunes: Eve 6 - Promise
Samurai Matt
03 March 2007 @ 10:44 pm
Obesity in today's youth. Yeah man, I went there; it's a problem. But I found a solution, in the form a nation-wide law. I call it, 'Life Game Challenge Law.' The bare-bones idea is that by adding an element of physical unknown, people will be forced in stay in at least moderate shape. Kind of like a throw-back to the good old days, when maybe a tiger was five seconds from ripping your face off and you had no clue.
Here are the simple rules:
1) At any time, someone may call 'Life Game Challenge!'
2) The caller then designates two, or more, people, either by name or by pointing. The caller may not designate himself.
3) The caller then explains the rules to his Life Game Challenge. There are really no restrictions on this.
4) The caller then shouts 'Power Up!', and the Life Game Challenge begins.

Here is an example:

You are a clerk at a grocery store. You notice a fatty purchasing a thing of donuts. You yell 'Life Game Challenge!' They crowd knows what this means, and you will instantly have their attention. You point to the large man, designating him. 'Anyone who can take these donuts from this man can have them free of charge!,' you shout. Then, you scream 'Power Up!', and the Life Game Challenge begins.

Pretty rad, eh? I'm sure I like 'Power Up' as the command word to begin LGC, so if you have a suggestion for something better, by all means...
Current Location: home
Feeling: serious
Tunes: FOB - 7 Minutes In Heaven
Samurai Matt
01 March 2007 @ 07:42 pm
Mildly entertaining rendition of last night? Yea, let's.

The room is smallish, but I imagine it suits their needs well enough. I'm not sure where the night will end up, but the prospect of the unknown excites. One particularly amusing fellow is making sure we have a good time. There are chicken wings. Karaoke seems to be the order of the night. Girl in desperate need of attention is doing a decent job. Amusing fellow, at this point, is looking for love. His quest is cut short by his undeniable need to vomit. Twice. He retires for the evening. As the soirée wears on, I withdraw into my shell, while the party-goers continue their wild unbridled dancing and singing. I am growing weary of the situation. The girl in desperate need of attention attempts to climb atop a chair. Two of the legs snap, sending her sprawling to the floor. One finely bearded man tends to her, asking if she is alright. I find myself not caring, and thinking that that was really cool. The hour is late. It ends the way these things often do: alone and depressed. For a brief moment I wonder if things will ever change. A single tear rolls softly down my cheek. I slip into the night's embrace.
Current Location: home
Feeling: indifferentindifferent
Tunes: Alkaline Trio - Sorry About That
Samurai Matt
25 February 2007 @ 04:27 pm
One week is not enough.
It actually, physically, hurt me to leave. It was awesome spending time with my father; even better spending time with him when he is happy. Normally, that takes 4 beers, which makes him silly and annoying as well. We had this competition where we'd see who could find the most golf balls in the ocean. In one week, I found 7 and a pair of goggles. He got 23. He is a really good diver. He also got on this kick where he would blame and curse 'The Mexicanos' for everything. When we went into the water, he'd scream like a little girl, too. (it's pretty cold.)
Days full of surfing and snorkeling (I don't think there was a single day I didn't see at leat two turtles) prety much flew by. Claire's friend was a pretty nice kid, albeit with an annoying shriek of a laugh. My mom was weird and paranoid, but that is a given. The next trip cannot come soon enough.
One week is not enough.
Current Location: home
Feeling: exhaustedexhausted
Tunes: Call Me Call Me - The Seatbelts
Samurai Matt
17 February 2007 @ 01:13 am
What a fucked up night. Board games to drinking to dancing to wandering Whyte Ave to Steve's house. And that is when things get interesting. I walk in, still riding a decent buzz, to find Graham screaming at Brandon to get out of his bed. Rocky 3 is playing. I watch. Then I try to get to my car, but somehow end up in this fenced off lot, trying to run through snow that is up to my waist. I make it to the fence, flip over it, and make it to my car. I drive home, get check stopped, without event, and make it home to find Claire puking in the bathroom. Only 3 hours till I drive her and Amanada to the airport so we can leave! Yay!
Current Location: home
Feeling: exhaustedexhausted
Tunes: puke noise